do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
