I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
