she looked like the bat from fern gully.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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