Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize