At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
