They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
