The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
