Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
