I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
