I think I died a long time ago.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
