Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
