batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
