Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
