we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize