That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dick very happy bro
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
