Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
