I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
