i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
