Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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