just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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