dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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