garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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