it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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