I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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