it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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