Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
