You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
