We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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