it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
