he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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