How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
