my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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