i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
