do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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