Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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