it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
