U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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