i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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