I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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