And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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