where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
