I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
