Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Farmville is her only friend.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
