Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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