What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
