hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
