so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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