So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
