shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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