We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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