She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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