You made me cry and you don't even care
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
