u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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