My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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