you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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