When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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