goodnight i made you a song goodbye
People in love make me want to vomit
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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