My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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