We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
