How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
