Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
