i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
