i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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