Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
