i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
