note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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