Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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