Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
