I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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