I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
